My Sunshine
by No Guns Only Roses
Summary: Mikey doesn't remember his family, and Raph is beginning to lose hope. A one shot for Athese's story "Forgotten".


**So because Athese was so kind as to write an alternate ending to MY story, "Expendable", I wanted to write something for her in return.**

 **Here's a one-shot for her old story, "Forgotten". It takes place between chapters 4 and 5. You need to read the story first to fully understand this fanfic.**

"It's not _fair_!" Raph stabbed the practice dummy with his sai again, unable to control the rage within him.

"I understand how you feel, Raphael," Splinter softly told his son. "But you must be patient with your brother. He is very confused and afraid. And it will take time for him to recover his memories."

Raph stopped assaulting the dummy and turned to look at his father, his green eyes glistening with unshed tears. "But what if he never gets his memories back?" he asked in a broken whisper.

"Then we must continue to be there for him as his family. He is still Michelangelo, after all, whether he remembers us or not. And you certainly wouldn't love him any less than you did before this tragedy took place, correct?"

"Well, no, of course, not," Raph croaked as he shoved his sai back into his belt. "But still, it...it sucks that I'm not allowed to see him. And the way he looks at me...I...Sensei, I've never seen him look at me like that before. There's so much fear in his eyes. Fear of _me_...!" He looked away from Splinter and hid his face with his arm, too ashamed to show the tears that were now flowing down his cheeks.

Splinter only pulled him into an embrace, gently pressing his son's face to his chest. "Just let it out, my son. No one is in here but us. No one will see you."

Raph's shoulders started to shake as he let out muffled sobs. He wrapped his arms around the rat's waist and held onto him tightly.

Everything was so messed up.

* * *

"He doesn't remember at all?" Slash sat next to Raph on a rooftop.

Raph solemnly looked down at the streets below him and nodded his head.

"Wow, that's...that's a real bummer," the bigger turtle mumbled.

"He's scared of me, Slash," Raph quietly said. "Of _me_. Every time I pass by him, he looks at me like I'm the boogeyman or something and starts to cry. It hurts to see him act like that around me."

"Yeah, I can imagine."

"I want him to remember me and what we used to have. I want my little brother back, but I might never get him back. And I...I could've been a better brother to him."

Slash comfortingly put a giant hand on Raph's shoulder. "Well, at least he's still alive, which means you still have a chance to improve your relationship with him."

Raph only continued to look down with his shoulders slumped. "I know I should be comforted by that fact, but...I don't know. All I know is that things will never be the same again."

Slash wished that he could think of more to say to his friend, but all he could do was hum in agreement and watch the cars pass by below their feet.

* * *

He tried to get his mind off the whole thing by watching T.V. As he flipped through channels, he came across an episode of that show...what was it called? Oh, yeah, _Mister Rogers' Neighborhood_. Mister Rogers was talking to the delivery man, Mr. McFeely, who was holding a green box in his hands. McFeely kept saying that there was a "surprise" inside and handed the box to Rogers.

"I'll give you a clue," McFeely said. "It likes to walk on the ground, but it also likes to swim in the water."

"Walk on the ground and swim in the water?" Rogers repeated, trying to figure out the "surprise."

"It belongs to the reptile family," McFeely added. "And it has a hard shell."

"On its back?" Rogers asked.

"On its back!" McFeely said with a smile.

"Oh, no," Raph groaned and did a facepalm.

Sure enough, when Rogers opened the box, there was a turtle inside.

"Screw this," Raph sighed and turned off the T.V. "I'm goin' out."

As he headed for the exit, he heard a familiar whimpering sound. His big brother instinct taking over, he ran to his little brother's bedroom and peeked his head in. Mikey was still asleep, but he was sweating greatly and tossing and turning. The sounds he made broke Raph's heart.

 _Another nightmare,_ Raph sadly thought to himself. He wanted to walk over to his brother's bed and comfort him the way he used to before...

 _"He doesn't trust us, Raph,"_ he remembered Donnie telling him. _He has been stuck with the Shredder for five months. He is afraid, especially after your outburst towards him."_

If there was one thing Raph hated about himself, it was his inability to control his temper. He just had to snap at Mikey and make things even worse. But he couldn't help it. His own little brother didn't recognize him or anybody else. His initial reaction was not to cry in despair, but to blow a fuse. That was just who he was.

But he needed to be mindful of Mikey's timid state and control his own emotions. The last thing Mikey needed was another reason to feel afraid, in his own home, for that matter.

 _I know I shouldn't be doing this, but..._

Raph tiptoed into the room, being extremely careful not to wake his brother up, and sat down on the bed. With a trembling hand, he cupped Mikey's cheek and leaned down to gently kiss him on the forehead. The second those lips touched his sweaty skin, Mikey jerked awake and opened his baby blue eyes. When he saw a dark figure looming over him, the horrid memories came back.

 _The Shredder stood over him threateningly, glaring down at him with those cold, hateful eyes. Mikey backed helplessly against the wall, begging him not to hurt him. The man only laughed cruelly and roughly grabbed him by the neck. He couldn't breathe...he couldn't breathe...!_

"NO!" Mikey screamed and pushed Raph off the bed. "GET AWAY FROM ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Before Raph could attempt to calm him down, he heard rapid footsteps down the hall.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Donnie screamed as he ran into the bedroom. He saw his baby brother screaming and thrashing in his bed and Raph on the floor. He glared at his older brother. "Raph, what did I tell you?! You can't see him yet!"

Hearing his brother berate him angered him greatly. He glared back at Donnie and stood up, his fists clenched at his sides. "You can't keep him from me forever, Donnie! He's my brother, too! I want to help him just as much as you do!"

"You want to help?" Donnie hissed. "Then stay away from him." He ran over to Mikey and tried to calm him down, whispering words of comfort both in English and in Japanese. "Mikey, it's okay. You're safe, _Otouto._ " Mikey eventually calmed down but continued to cry in his brother's arms.

Raph began to feel jealous as he watched the scene before him. _What makes Donnie so special?_ he bitterly thought to himself. _Why can't Mikey let_ me _hold him like that?_

He had had enough. He stormed out of the lair, pushing past a confused and concerned Leo.

* * *

Casey let out a yawn. "Come on, man. It's late."

Raph ignored him and continued to stab the fallen Kraang droid. Numerous robot parts were scattered about them on the street. Tonight the Kraang suffered the wrath of Raphael, and yet it wasn't enough to quench the fire within him.

"Look, man, I really need to get back home," Casey gently told his best friend. "And so should you."

Raph whipped his head around and glared at Casey with angry white eyes, causing the human to flinch away. "Why?" he growled. "What's the point of going back home? Mikey doesn't even know who I am. To him, I'm just some scary stranger. He trusts Fearless and Dork-a-Lot enough to let them touch him. I can't even get within fifty feet of him without earning a scream or a sob. Everything is so...so... _MESSED UP!_ " He picked up a nearby trash cash and threw it against a brick wall.

Casey stared at Raph for a moment before taking a deep breath. "Look, Raph, I get what you're..."

"YOU DON'T!" Raph screamed. "You don't get what I'm feeling, Casey! How _could_ you get it?!"

"Okay, okay," Casey held his hands up defensively. "You're right. I don't get it. But screaming and destroying stuff isn't gonna make things better."

Raph snorted and crossed his arms. "Well, what else can I do? I can't even get near Mikey, so how am I supposed to help him?"

"Just keep trying, dude," Casey said. "You can't give up on Mikey. 'Cause after all, he wouldn't give up on you if you were in the same situation."

"...But what if it all turns out to be pointless?" Raph mumbled. "What if he never remembers?"

"Then you have to at least convince him that you don't mean any harm. That you only want to love and protect him. You know, in English class, I read this book called _The Vow._ It's a true story about a woman who lost her memory after she hit her head in a car accident. She couldn't even recognize her own husband, but he never gave up on her. In fact, even though she never got her memories back, she fell in love with him all over again. I know, it's a mushy love story, but it's relatable. Even if his memories never return, Mikey will come to love and trust you again, man. You'll see."

Raph felt slightly better about the whole situation after listening to Casey's speech. And he remembered what Master Splinter said to him earlier: " _He is still Michelangelo, after all, whether he remembers us or not. And you certainly wouldn't love him any less than you did before this tragedy took place, correct?"_

"Know what?" Raph smirked at his best friend. "I should head back home."

Casey smiled back. "Good idea."

* * *

 _Okay, here we go._

Raph gently knocked on Mikey's door, and as to be expected, Donnie answered, opening the door slightly and peeking his head out. "What do you want, Raph?" he whispered.

"I need a moment with Mikey," Raph whispered back.

Donnie let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his temples. "Raph, I told you, you can't see him yet..."

"Well, when _can_ I see him, Donnie?" Raph tried his best not to raise his voice, though he was feeling rather annoyed. "At some point, I'm gonna have to talk to Mikey, otherwise he'll never learn to trust me again. And it might as well be now. Please Donnie..." Raph's tone softened and he looked at his brother with sad eyes. "I _need_ this. Even more than Mikey needs it."

Donnie looked at his brother sympathetically, and he eventually said, "Okay. Give me a minute." He closed the door, and Raph could hear him talking to Mikey, though he couldn't quite make out the words. A minute later, the genius brother opened the door and allowed Raph to come in.

Mikey was still in bed, though he clutched the sheets as he watched the red masked Turtle walk into the room, staring at him with wide blue eyes.

"I'll be right outside, Mikey," Donnie softly told him with a smile before closing the door and leaving him alone with Raph.

Raph smiled gently at Mikey as he sat down on the bed. "Hey, Little Brother."

Mikey only whimpered in response and slightly scooted away from him.

Raph hid the hurt he was feeling and his smile never faltered. "I know you don't remember, but when we were little, whenever you'd get scared, I'd sing your favorite lullaby. Want to hear it?"

Mikey stared at him for a moment before shrugging.

Raph cleared his throat and began to sing softly.

 _You are my sunshine_

 _My only sunshine_

 _You make me happy_

 _When skies are grey_

 _You'll never know, dear_

 _How much I love you_

 _Please don't take_

 _My sunshine away_

He stopped briefly to look at Mikey. His little brother still seemed nervous, so he continued to sing.

 _The other night, dear_

 _As I lay sleeping_

 _I dreamed I held you in my arms_

 _But when I awoke, dear_

 _I was mistaken_

 _So I hung my head and I cried._

Raph felt his heart clench as he sung the last verse. He, indeed, cried many nights after Mikey was taken. He missed his sunshine.

 _I still do,_ he thought.

Even though he could feel his eyes burn with tears, he finished the lullaby for Mikey.

 _You are my sunshine_

 _My only sunshine_

 _You make me happy_

 _When skies are grey_

 _You'll never know, dear_

 _How much I love you_

 _Please don't take_

 _My sunshine away_

The tears were now dripping down his cheeks, but he didn't care.

Mikey saw the tears, and suddenly he wasn't afraid of the red one anymore. Though he couldn't understand why, he felt this need to comfort the other Turtle. He hesitantly placed his hand over Raph's. "Hey," he said in a quiet, croaky voice. "Are you okay?"

Raph looked at his brother in shock and searched for any sign of recognition in his eyes. There wasn't any. But still, Mikey was _touching_ him. For the first time in months, he was _touching_ him.

And that gave Raph hope.

 _"Even if his memories never return, Mikey will come to love and trust you again, man."_

Raph laughed tearfully and gently squeezed his baby brother's hand. "I'm okay, Mikey. So you want to read some comic books with me?"

 **Hope you like it, Athese!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, or The Vow.**


End file.
